


Seen Much Better Days

by justheretobreakthings



Series: Torn and Frayed [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Asexual Keith (Voltron), Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Whump, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Slavery, Protective Allura (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Protective Team, Recovery, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justheretobreakthings/pseuds/justheretobreakthings
Summary: Allura rescuing Keith from the hands of a slave trader was the first step, but the paladins still have a way to go to feel like they've truly brought Keith home.(Sequel to "Torn and Frayed")





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunshinehime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinehime/gifts).



> This fic picks up right where "Torn and Frayed" left off, so be sure to read that fic first for this one to make sense!

The flight back to the castle was silent save for one more check-in on Allura’s part to let the others know how far out they were, reassuring them that she and Keith would be back soon. To her surprise, she managed to keep her voice steady and calm. Professional. Neutral.

As cool and collected as if she hadn’t just rescued Keith from the hands of a slaver.

She kept her eyes on him now, sitting beside him against the wall of Blue’s cockpit, letting the Lion pilot herself rather than needing Allura at the helm. There were no tricky maneuvers that necessitated an active pilot right now, just a straight path back home, and Blue seemed to know that Allura was needed more on the metal floor than in the chair.

Keith had gone still, closed off, the drying tear streaks on his face the only evidence of his earlier meltdown in Allura’s arms. He had failed to meet her eyes again after the sobbing had subsided, as if he were embarrassed by his display. He needn’t have been. It was certainly well-earned.

Allura had pulled an emergency blanket from Blue’s survival kit, and had draped it over Keith, wrapping it over his shoulders and knotting it in the front. The blanket was very thin, and not particularly soft, but it was keeping him warm in lieu of a shirt, and now the bruises and lash marks that decorated his chest and back were hidden from view.

It hadn’t done anything to stop Keith’s shivering, but Allura didn’t think that was due to cold.

Allura stood when Blue touched down in the hangar, glancing down at Keith as she worked out in her head what to do now. The other paladins would surely be just outside the Lion, waiting to see Keith again after so long, but how should they approach it? Should she try to feign normality, take the lead on trying to keep things subdued so as not to overexert Keith? Should she let them all react naturally to the situation at hand, so Keith could know just how worried about him they were, how fired up they are on his behalf?

She realized that, first things first, what she really needed to do was get Keith out of those shackles on his wrists and ankles.

She descended the steps of Blue’s jaw alone, unsurprised to see the other paladins and Coran ready and waiting in the hangar, impatience and worry written on all of their faces. “How is he?” Shiro asked first.

“He’s…” Allura started. She hedged for the right words before giving up and turning to Pidge. “You all right to pick a couple of locks?”

“Um, sure?” Pidge said with a frown. “Why?”

“Come on up,” Allura said, waving her forward. “He’s got a couple of, er… restraints, still.”

Varying levels of shock and anger flashed on the waiting faces, and Pidge’s only increased as she followed Allura into the cockpit. Keith lifted his head, and Pidge whispered a couple of choice Earth swears under her breath before hurrying to him. “Hey, Keith,” she said, making a face that must have been an attempt at a smile. “It’s - it’s good to have you back. Um - ” She nodded toward the shackles on his ankles. “Allura said you needed some help with those?”

Keith nodded silently, and Pidge got to work, pulling out the lockpicks she kept in the pocket of her sweatshirt at all times. She had never given an explanation for why she had those beyond the nonspecific fact that ‘they came in handy’, but in situations like these, Allura was perfectly happy to forgive any troublemaking she might get up to with them.

She made quick work of the shackles on the ankles, and was about to straighten up before Allura stepped him. “On his wrists, too,” she said. “Keith, do you mind sitting forward for a moment?”

Her fingers brushed against Keith’s shoulder as she said it, and Keith’s back stiffened as he immediately leaned forward, complying automatically. She and Pidge met each other’s eyes, but neither commented as Allura lifted the emergency blanket just enough for Pidge to start picking the remaining lock.

The moment his hands were free, Keith moved them to the front with groan and gripped tightly to the edges of the blanket, pulling it closed. He started to his feet, unsteadily, as if he hadn’t used his legs in a while and had to get used to them again.

“Need any help?” Allura asked.

“I’m fine,” Keith grunted, and Allura didn’t push it.

The three of them left the cockpit together, slowly to account for Keith’s shaky gait. They were greeted by sighs of relief and cries of Keith’s name, and smiles all around that looked less genuine the instant the others got their first look at Keith’s face, but that they otherwise maintained.

Hunk had his arms out, and had stepped forward for a hug as they descended, but he hesitated. “Hey, um, is it okay if I…?” He bounced his arms a little.

“Best not,” Allura answered. “He’s got a couple of injuries that need attending to.”

“What sort of injuries?” Shiro asked, immediately letting his forced smile drop.

“Nothing life-threatening,” Allura assured him quickly. “But there’s definitely some pretty bad, er, lacerations. And bruising. And there’s quite probably a risk of infection for some of them.”

Shiro’s expression stiffened further, and Allura imagined it was taking all of his self-restraint to keep composed right now.

“Well, not to worry,” Coran said in a stilted affectation of his typical brightness. “Nothing a quick trip to one of the pods can’t fix. If you want to pop on down to the med bay - ”

“No,” Keith snapped, the first he’d spoken since they’d exited the Blue Lion. “No cryopod.”

Coran frowned at him. “Keith, my boy, Allura said some of those cuts and bruises are definitely in need of medical care.”

“So give me a first-aid kit and I’ll take care of them,” Keith said.

“It really would help you heal up and feel better much faster if we use the pod,” said Coran. “Come now, it shouldn’t be more than a couple of vargas. I can cook up a nice hot meal for you while you’re in there - er, that is, we could have Hunk cook it up, get you settled and cozy. We’ve set one up already with your specs just in case, so we’re all ready to go now.”

He reached for Keith. Not a sudden grab or anything that could have been mistaken as a power move of any sort, just a light hand on his arm to steer him toward the med bay, but Keith flinched and jerked away with a scowl all the same. “I said no cryopod!” he growled. “I’m not going.”

“Keith, you really need - ”

“Coran,” Allura said, resting her hand on his shoulder. “He said no cryopod.”

Coran looked to her in surprise, brow raised. Allura could hardly blame him. She had always been very strict about ensuring that all of the paladins saw to their injuries properly after battles, and would never let them get away with trying to defy Coran’s nursing. More than once she had come just short of picking up and physically forcing a stubborn Shiro into a pod after he tried to brush off a gushing wound as a minor scrape.

But this time, it was different. It made sense why Keith would be averse to going into the cryopod. Being essentially put on display in a container, unmoving, no awareness of his surroundings, no control, outfitted in the thin and body-hugging cryosuit.

Painful and inefficient though old-fashioned healing methods may be, Keith still would probably find them a thousand times easier to endure than the pod.

“No cryopod,” she repeated, staring imploringly at Coran.

The latter seemed uncertain, but after a moment’s hesitation, he nodded. “All right,” Coran said. “I, er, trust your judgment on this, princess.” He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat. “All right, if one of you will help me take Keith down to the med bay and get supplies readied, we can start on this whole process. And the rest of you, perhaps Hunk could use some help in the kitchen?”

Hunk nodded, and Shiro stepped forward. “I’ll help you out, Coran. Keith, you want to lean on me, or - ?”

“I, um, actually,” Keith said, and to Allura’s surprise, he took a step back toward her, his eyes flitting to her face. “If, um, if - if you don’t mind, Allura…”

“Oh. Oh, of course,” Allura said with a hasty nod, casting Shiro an apologetic glance as the latter blinked at Keith, confused. The other paladins looked just as puzzled, but thankfully no one argued the point. They stepped aside and let Allura be the one to guide Keith down to the med bay with Coran, and she stole glances over her shoulder as they left the hangar, hurt and worried gazes meeting hers.

“Good to have you back, Keith,” Shiro called after them as they left.

The three of them were silent as they made their way to the med bay, bypassing the cryopods to set Keith down in the infirmary instead. Allura helped Keith settle onto a cot as Coran left to the med supply room, and the two of them were left alone, with Keith sitting up on the cot and fixated on the opposite wall with a thousand-yard stare.

“Keith?” Allura said softly, and Keith flinched almost unnoticeably at the sudden break in the silence. “Sorry,” she continued. “But I was wondering - is there - is there something wrong, between you and Shiro? I know you two were having a bit of difficulty before you left for the Blade, but I assure you he - ”

“It’s not that,” Keith cut her off. His voice was somewhat raspy. “I’m not upset with Shiro. Or with any of you. I swear.”

“In that case, is there a reason you didn’t want him accompanying you now?”

Keith turned to her, and in the shadows of the infirmary’s relatively dim lights, the bruises on his face looked particularly dark, bold. Haunted. “He doesn’t know,” he answered softly. “You do. I’m not… I’m not ready for the others to see. Not yet. Especially - especially Shiro…” His voice cracked at the name, and he brought the heel of his hand up to scrub at his nose as he sniffed.

“Oh,” Allura. “That… yes, I suppose that makes sense.” She chewed her lip before tentatively adding, “You know, Coran is going to find out too, now.”

“Yeah,” Keith sighed. “Can’t be helped. But the fewer, the better… Is that okay?” he added, brow suddenly creased in worry, looking over at her as if he needed her permission to have this privacy.

“Of course,” Allura said immediately, and Keith’s shoulders relaxed minutely before their conversation was ended by Coran’s return to the infirmary.


	2. Chapter 2

The meal that Coran had promised was ready and waiting for them by the time the first aid had finally finished. It came as a relief. Allura was in need of a tasty meal to settle her nerves after all of that - the grave approach Coran took to Keith’s injuries after his initial scan, her helping hold Keith steady as Coran stitched up wounds that needed it, Keith bunching a wad of the cot’s bedsheets into his mouth to muffle noises of pain as they disinfected gashes on his back that had become inflamed and for which their numbing agent was no help, assisting Coran in applying salve to Keith’s myriad bruises and looking away when he tended to the ones in places Allura had no right to look at.

Coran had retired to his own quarters once they had finished up, citing fatigue after a long day, and Allura could hardly blame him for wanting a break. He had been uncharacteristically quiet as he’d performed his first aid ministrations on Keith. Allura had watched his expression grow gradually stonier as they went on, but he kept any surprise or anger to himself, probably for Keith’s sake more than his own.

Shiro had brought a stack of Keith’s clothes down to the med bay, and at least Keith looked a little more like his old self now that he was back in his signature black jeans and red jacket, the bruises left by the shackles hidden by boots and gloves, but they way the clothes hung more loosely than they used to and the fact that Allura could still see that outline of the thick bandages under the thin material of his tee shirt were discomforting to say the least.

Neither of them said anything about it, though, and neither did the other paladins as they brightly welcomed him to the dining room as if he were the honored guest of a royal banquet. Hunk pulled out a chair for him at the end of the table, and Lance and Pidge both made to escort him into it by the arms, but he flinched away when they reached for him, and they took the hint, letting him carefully take his place on his own. There was an awkwardness to the way they hovered, Allura noticed. An artificial quality to their posture, like they were trying to seem as casual as possible but had forgotten how.

“I made stew for you,” Hunk said once Keith was seated, pushing a full bowl toward him. “And we’ve got some of those vegetables that taste like potatoes in this pot here, and I heated up some of my leftover pizza rolls, because, you know, they’re a comfort food and all. And there’s red velvet cupcakes in the oven - well, more pink velvet, I can’t get the recipe exactly, but it tastes the same and I know you like red velvet and all - ”

“Geez, Hunk, let the guy breathe,” Lance said. He tugged Hunk away from where he had been hovering over Keith. “He can’t eat every dish at once, you know.”

“Oh, right, no of course not, I was just letting him know, and, you know, it’s sort of a welcome home gift from me, I guess, ‘cause, well, I - I’m glad you’re back, Keith, and safe and - ”

“Don’t steal all the credit,” Pidge said. “We all missed Keith. And I helped stir.”

“Oh, you didn’t do shit,” Lance said, rolling his eyes. “I’m the one who actually chopped up all those vegetables for Hunk’s stew.”

“Sure, right, because clearly that was the most difficult and heroic feat ever performed.”

“Moreso than stirring.”

“While those two argue about who’s less useless in the kitchen,” Shiro said with a little smile, leaning in toward Keith, “Let me say they’re right about one thing. We did miss you. And - and we’re glad you’re back safe.”

Eyes still on the bowl of stew, Keith nodded and softly replied, “Thanks.”

“You’re hungry, right?”

“Maybe a little? I, um, haven’t been eating as much… lately…”

A frown tugged at Shiro’s lips, and his eyes roamed over Keith’s hunched frame and sallow cheeks before clearing his throat. “Right. We’ll need to get you back up to regular portion sizes, I suppose. For now, try and get at least a little bit into you though, okay?” When Keith still didn’t move, Shiro tapped the bowl closer. “Go on, Keith. Eat.”

The effect was immediate. As soon as Shiro had spoken, Keith was sitting upright in his seat, eyes wide, hand diving for his spork. He snatched it up and dug into the stew, shoveling a spoonful into his mouth and barely chewing before swallowing and going for another.

The other paladins stopped their playful bickering to turn and stare at him, and it was a few ticks more before he realized it. He caught their eyes after a few more rapid bites, then, as if coming out of a daze, he slowly lowered his spork, a hint of a sheepish blush spreading on his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

It took a moment for Allura to comprehend what had just happened. Shiro had told Keith to eat, and without hesitating, without thinking, Keith had complied, and had done so in a mad rush and with fear on his face.

It was to be expected, she supposed, that Keith had endured some conditioning, that he had learned that not obeying an order resulted in painful consequences. The state of his back when she’d found him stood testament to how difficult it had been to get that lesson to stick with someone like Keith.

That didn’t make it any less unsettling to see the results of said conditioning in action.

The rest of the paladins appeared just as unnerved, and no one moved or spoke in the couple of ticks before Hunk coughed and tentatively pulled the bowl away. “You know, um,” he said. “We could - we could save this for later if you don’t wanna eat right now…”

“Might be best to rest up or something for the time being,” Shiro suggested.

“Yeah,” Keith said softly. “Yeah, that… that sounds good.”

He pushed his chair back, ignoring the proffered hands to help him to his feet, and marched out of the room, stiff and silent. The remaining paladins were left staring after him.

“I - I didn’t mean to set him off or anything,” Shiro said quietly. “I was only - he - he needs to eat. Why did…?” He trailed off uncertainly, turning back to the others with worry shining in his eyes.

“He’s… probably going to need some time,” Allura said. “And no doubt he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.”

Hunk nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably it. I’m, uh, I’m gonna, uh, check on those cupcakes, don’t want them to burn…”

He hurried away, and Pidge and Lance followed soon after, taking the dishes of food with them and promising to take them into the kitchen to store away as leftovers, although Allura was sure only a fraction of it would avoid being eaten by them before it had a chance to make it to the refrigerator.

Allura took her own leave after them, figuring that she was in need of a bit of rest too, but she spared Shiro a sympathetic glance before she left. “You all right?”

Shiro let out a small snort. “You bring Keith back from where just a few hours ago he was a - a - a slave, and you’re asking if I’m all right?”

“I am, yes,” Allura said with a nod.

Shiro hesitated before letting out a long sigh. “Yeah,” he replied. “As all right as can be expected, I guess. We’ve just gotta… figure things out, give him space, I suppose. Be patient.”

“Patience yields focus,” Allura said, in her best imitation of Shiro’s voice.

Shiro raised a brow. “I don’t sound that patronizing when I say it, do I?”

“No, you pull it off,” Allura said. She gave him a little smile, which she then let fall back into solemnity. “And keep in mind Shiro, Keith is… hurting, yes. But he’s back. That’s a start. We can’t let worry or guilt eat us up; that won’t do him any good.” And heavens know if Shiro went unchecked, he could do more worrying than the rest of the team combined.

“I know,” he said. With a little groan, he stood from the table and stretched. “The rest of us could probably stand to get some rest too. Although - ” He hesitated before tentatively continuing, “Do you think it would be too much of an intrusion if I just… made sure he got to his room okay?”

“I don’t think death itself could stop you,” Allura answered. With a small, sad smile, Shiro took his leave, brushing past her shoulder as he exited the kitchen. Allura followed him out, casting one last uneasy glance toward Keith’s empty chair as she left.


	3. Chapter 3

Shiro did manage to confirm that Keith had returned to his room without incident, but that was as far as he got. He told Allura later that Keith was there, but had asked to be left alone. None of them wanted to be the one to disrespect Keith’s wishes at the moment, so they opted to respect his privacy. They decided to wait, to let Keith come to them when he was ready.

As it turned out, it was becoming a long wait.

It was still rather hard to believe that Keith was back, mainly because in the following quintants, it so often felt as if he wasn’t. Far more often than not, he made himself scarce, holing up in his room and muttering that he needed space, ignoring any knocks at his door except for the necessary ones from Coran needing to change bandages or check stitches. Allura found herself peeking into the hall frequently throughout the day, and Shiro had switched from his usual nervous pacing around the castle to simply walking up and down that corridor for what must have been vargas at a time.

On those few occasions when he did come out of his room, he wasn’t much more present than when he didn’t. He was unusually quiet - which, for the ever introverted Keith, was really saying something - and seemed to be trying to make himself unobtrusively, keeping his head down and staying in corners.

Shiro voiced his worry to Allura that this was another behavior he had been conditioned into, but she wondered if perhaps it wasn’t more a defensive measure. The few times one of them had tried to broach the subject of what had happened to him, he had either clammed up in fear and shrunk in on himself, or snapped in anger and stormed out.

Perhaps even when joining them, he was still in some way trying to avoid them. And whether it was due to mistrust of a team that had let him leave, or shame over the experience, or newfound wariness of other people in general, or something else entirely, Allura didn’t know. But it made it difficult for the team to provide him with the comfort they desperately wanted to give.

It didn’t stop them from trying, though, as evidenced by instances such as when Allura came across Pidge and Shiro huddled in front of Keith’s door, Pidge with her tablet on and held up to the hand scanner that was the door’s opening and locking mechanism.

“What are you two doing?” Allura asked as she approached.

“Shiro heard something,” Pidge answered, all her focus on her tablet.

“Heard what?”

“He sounded… distressed?” Shiro said. “And he wouldn’t answer me when I knocked. I was worried he might be hurt.”

Allura frowned as the scanner lit up green and Pidge pocketed her tablet. If they had needed to get into Keith’s locked room, it probably would have made more sense to get Coran to unlock the door rather than to get Pidge to hack in. But Shiro wasn’t always at his most logical when he was worried about one of the other paladins, and perhaps Pidge had even already been here, keeping guard over Keith’s room at Shiro’s side. It certainly wouldn’t be unlike her to take matters into her own hands when it came to a family member’s protection.

Because that’s what Keith was, wasn’t he? A member of her family, of all of their family. A family member they had let leave, had driven away, had allowed to fall into the arms of -

Allura shook her head. Now was not the time for guilt or blame.

She stood peering into the doorway when Shiro and Pidge entered the room, and let out a breath of relief when she saw Keith, in bed and wrapped in his covers just as he was supposed to be and appearing to be unharmed. She did, however, also now see the source of that sound of distress Shiro had heard. Keith was moving in his sleeping, twitching, and she could hear his breathing from where she stood, punctuated by little whines only partly muffled by the pillow.

‘Nightmare,’ Pidge mouthed, and Shiro nodded as he stepped cautiously toward Keith.

“Should we be waking him?” Allura whispered.

“Would you rather this keep up?” Shiro softly asked in reply, gesturing toward Keith, who was starting to visibly shake in his sleep.

“Doesn’t it make it harder for someone to calm down if they’re woken abruptly?”

Shiro hesitated, looking uncertainly toward Keith. He rocked on his feet, and for a moment it looked like he was about to step away, but just then Keith let out a particularly loud keen of distress, and Shiro shook his head. “I can’t just leave him like this,” he said, and with that, he strode to Keith’s bedside and knelt down.

“Hey, Keith?” he whispered. “Keith, can you hear me? It’s all right, bud, it’s okay. It’s a dream - you’re safe.” Keith gave no response, and Shiro took a breath and lifted his hand. “Keith, it’s okay,” he continued. “You’re safe, you’re - ”

He touched his hand to Keith’s arm, and Keith finally reacted. He let out a yelp and scrambled awake, knocking his whole body against the wall as he struggled to get away from the touch. Shiro jumped back, hands up, and his stunned eyes were just as wide as Keith’s. The latter’s were unfocused, darting desperately around the room before landing on Shiro.

And, Allura noticed, they were rimmed in red, tear tracks streaming down them and across his cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said softly. “I’m sorry, Keith, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to wake you up. You were having a nightmare.”

Keith stared at Shiro, brow scrunched as if trying to understand the words.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro repeated. “I’m sorry, you were upset, I only meant to help…”

It took several moments more of Shiro’s apologies for Keith to finally seem to fully come back to the waking world. When he did, he nodded slowly at Shiro. “It’s okay,” he mumbled.

“You all right now?” Shiro asked.

“… Yeah,” Keith. “I’m, um… I’m still tired, though. I’m gonna…”

“Right, right,” Shiro said. “Go ahead back to sleep. And - and let me know if you need anything, okay, bud?”

“Okay.”

They left the room silently as Keith fell back to his pillow. The moment the door was closed, Shiro heaved out a deep sigh, slumping against the wall and leaning his head back against it. “I - I hate seeing him like this,” he said.

“Wonder what was going on in that dream,” Pidge mumbled.

“I think we can all venture a guess,” Allura replied drily.

Pidge grimaced. “Well, yeah, that’s - I mean, it’s obvious in general what it was about but - you know, it’s - it’s like - I wish we knew what exactly was going on with him, what’s happening in his head. Not because, like, I want to know, since it’s gonna - it’s obviously gonna be… bad… and all, but - ” She sighed and brought her arms up to wrap around herself. “It’s a weird feeling, you know? That he leaves one day and then comes back practically a different person, and everything in between is just sort of a blank.”

Allura tilted her head as she thought that over. “I’m… afraid I’m not quite sure what you mean…”

“I do,” Shiro muttered. “Sort of the same deal as my time in the arena.”

“Hm?” said Pidge.

“The way that I… came back wrong. And that it’s hard to help fix whatever was done to me because we don’t know exactly, so I don’t know what I actually need, or what’s going to set me off or scare me.” He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his bangs. “Can only guess at what all went on. Not a fun thing to leave to the imagination.”

“The difference here, though,” Pidge said slowly. “Is that Keith does know what happened in between. And if we knew too, we could help better than we have been.”

“Keith has the right to privacy, Pidge,” Shiro said, a sudden glare spreading over his face.

“I know, I know, I wasn’t suggesting - I didn’t mean to say - ” With a sigh, Pidge leaned up against the wall and drew a hand down her tired face. “It’s not Keith I’m frustrated at. It’s the situation.”

“If there’s anyone to be frustrated with,” Allura pointed out, “It’s the ones who took Keith and put him into the situation in the first place.”

Pidge let out a little laugh completely devoid of humor. “Nah, I’m not frustrated with them. I’m really motherfucking pissed off at them.”

“Think that’s one thing we can all agree on,” said Shiro. He cast one more sad glance toward the door. “Still just… really wish he would talk to us. Wish he would let us help. Let us… let us past those walls of his, just a little.”

“Give him time,” Allura said.

“I know. But in the meantime… feels like all there is for us to do is worry.”


	4. Chapter 4

The team’s general caution around Keith continued. The paladins were delicate around him, careful about not asking the wrong questions, taking care to give him space. Thankfully, they seemed to have set the matter of the details of what Keith had been through aside. Right now, the focus was on getting Keith comfortable again in his own home. If that meant waiting for Keith to be ready to share what all had happened, what memories were plaguing him now, that was fine.

At least, that was the case until yet another dinner that Keith had sat through in silence, picking at his food and hurrying to return to the sanctuary of his own room afterward. Allura and Shiro were on dish duty that day, and they had met up at the sink to wordlessly start the chore, Shiro at the sink to do the washing and scrubbing, Allura at the counter waiting to dry. The Altean kitchen’s dishwasher just couldn’t do as thorough a job of cleaning as good old elbow grease - at least, according to Coran.

They washed half of the dishes in silence, until, apropos of nothing, Shiro finally spoke up: “He still won’t let me touch him.”

Allura looked up, brow raised in question. Not regarding who he was talking about - that much was obvious enough - but needing further elaboration. “What do you mean?”

Shiro sighed, keeping his eyes on the dishes as he moved his hands robotically, holding a dish in his Galra hand and scrubbing at it with the sponge held in the other. “Normally, when Keith is upset, when he needs me to be there for he, he - he likes touch. He’ll never admit it out loud, but he makes it obvious enough. He’ll melt into a hug when he’s in need of one, and he’ll let me put my arm around him or rub his back or even hold his hand if he’s sure no one’s looking.

“But every time I try, whenever I even just reach out to pat his shoulder or something… he pulls away. He stiffens up and pulls away and he - he seems scared. Have you noticed that?”

Allura had noticed, but she hadn’t put too much thought into it. After all, she hadn’t been attempting to give Keith any hugs or anything like that. Instead she’d been trying to give him as much space as she could. Partly because she knew that Keith would need time to himself, to process things, and to get to set his own boundaries after having that freedom stolen from him.

And partly because she had trouble looking at him lately; whenever she saw Keith now, no matter how good an act he put up of being the same outwardly stoic soldier he’d always been, she couldn’t help but see the Keith she’d found in that warehouse, chained and muzzled and beaten and staring at her with those defeated, scared, vulnerable eyes that were so far removed from the Keith she had known.

“I’m… sure it’s nothing personal, Shiro,” she said slowly.

“I know that,” Shiro said. “I’m just frustrated. Not at Keith, of course, but at the - at the situation. He needs support now, and I’m not quite sure how to give it to him. I don’t really - I don’t know what he needs right now…”

“Mmm,” Allura hummed. Her eyes stayed on her towel. If Shiro was asking for advice as to what Keith needed from them in order to feel better, he was asking the wrong person. She hadn’t a clue.

“Allura?” Shiro asked.

“Yes?”

He hesitated a moment before he said, “You were the one who got Keith out of there and talked to the - the, uh, the person.” The trader. Allura nodded. “How much, um… how much do you know about what actually, um, what actually happened to him while he was - after he’d been captured.”

Allura wasn’t sure when a lump had started forming in her throat, but she swallowed it down before cautiously replying, “I don’t know the details. Just a general overview. And I really don’t - I’m not sure if I should - ”

“There’s just - I need to know.” Shiro set down the sponge and the plate he had been washing to turn and face Allura. “I, um, I know that there are certain things that go on, that happen to people who’ve been… well, Earth has a pretty ugly history with slavery too, I can’t imagine that the morals of it improve in different galaxies. And with the way he’s been avoiding being - being touched…”

He trailed off and looked expectantly at Allura, as if expecting her to finish the thought or to prompt him. She didn’t. She knew what he was asking, but she didn’t want to.

So he finished instead. “Was Keith… violated?” He picked a relatively soft word, an easier word, as if not using the real one would somehow make the answer any less horrible.

Allura swallowed again before answering in a shaky voice, “That’s… not for me to say. If Keith wants to talk about what happened he will.”

Shiro’s face wrinkled into a frown. “I see.” He turned back to the sink. “If the answer was no, you would have just said no,” he grunted as he picked the plate up and resumed washing. “So he - they actually - ”

The scrubbing of the dish became more vigorous as Allura watched. “I didn’t want to believe it,” he muttered, almost more to himself than to Allura. “I had started suspecting, when I looked at that injury scan Coran did for Keith - the placement of some of those bruises, they seemed to be - seemed to point to - ”

“Shiro - ”

“He doesn’t deserve that, no one deserves that, but Keith - he was - he had - God, to think someone could do that to my little brother, to think that I don’t even get the chance to rip the fuckers to pieces - ”

“Shiro, be careful!”

It was too late. He grip on the plate had tightened and he had been scrubbing harder and harder until the dish shattered in his grasp, the pieces clattering into the sink and leaving silence ringing in their wake.

Shiro dropped the sponge and brought a hand to his head, eyes wrenching shut as though against a painfully bright light. For a long moment, the kitchen was silent save for the flow of water flowing from the faucet, pooling at the bottom of the sink with a hiss. Then, Shiro shut off the water, and the quiet that followed was tense, thick. Suffocating.

“You know, that’s something he’s always been a little afraid of,” Shiro said, his voice so soft that Allura had to strain to hear him clearly. “Back at the Garrison. On the whole people there were perfectly fine with anyone being whatever orientation they were, but everywhere you go you’re gonna get a couple of assholes. Dealt with a few myself when I was a cadet. And Keith… a couple of his classmates had picked up on how he never was interested in anyone that way, always shied away from anything of the sort, and decided to give him a hard time about it. Started out with making fun, moved on at some point to some, ah, forceful offers, borderline threats, to - to ‘change his mind’.

“Don’t know how long that went on, but I was livid as hell when he came to me about it looking for help. Took it straight to the commanding officers, got the classmates suspended for harassment and put on probation. And you know what I told Keith?” Silently Allura shook her head. “I told him he would never have to worry about things like that, people like that. Because there was no way in hell I would let them do the things they threatened. Anyone who so much as tried to lay a finger on him without his permission would have to go through me first.”

He took a shuddering breath and dabbed at his eye with the back of his hand, and Allura tried to keep the surprise off of her expression. Shiro had faced a lot with cool, stony stoicism, never dropping the mask of determined and unstoppable leader no matter what hell he and Voltron went through. She hadn’t expected to see that mask drop.

But, she supposed, if anything were to bring it down…

“Never would have thought it would actually ever come to that,” Shiro said. “And when it did? I was off in a completely different galaxy. Couldn’t do a thing to stop it. Couldn’t keep him safe.”

“Shiro,” Allura said, placing her hand on his back. “That’s no fault of yours. You had no way of knowing anything like this would happen.”

“I know that. I’m just thinking… I gotta stop making promises to that kid. It’s always the important ones that I can’t seem to keep.”

With a shaky hand he picked up the dish sponge and turned the faucet back on. For several seconds he stared into the sink, at the remains of the plate he had shattered before, until, with a sigh, he dropped the sponge again and turned away. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Sorry. I - I can’t do this right now.”

He turned to hurry out of the kitchen without another word, leaving Allura to finish off the dishes.

Normally she would have been annoyed at having been left to finish a partner chore on her own. Now, though, she simply picked up the pieces of the broken dish, threw them away, and returned to the sink to resume the process of washing and drying, letting the stream of the faucet become white noise that washed any other thoughts away.


	5. Chapter 5

As frustrating as it was for Keith to constantly be holed up in his room, there still was one positive: as long as they knew where Keith was, they also knew that he was safe. And that made a world of difference. They worried for him still, yes, but the worry wasn’t nearly as terrifying and stomach-roiling as it had been when they were still tracking him down to rescue.

Which is why she could feel her heart stop when, the night after her talk with Shiro, she had opened the door to her bedchamber at the sound of loud and frantic knocking to find him, pale-faced and out of breath and with eyes wide as moons.

“Shiro?” she said. “What is going - ?”

“Keith’s not in his room,” Shiro cut her off.

“What?”

“He’s not there. I had just assumed he’d gone straight to bed after dinner, but I went in to check on him before I turned in and his room was unlocked and he wasn’t in it and - ”

“Okay, all right,” Allura said, lifting her hands. The gesture was meant to help placate them, but she could feel her hands shaking too, and her throat was tight. It was absurd to be worried, part of her knew. The paladins got out of bed all the time, to get a snack or wander the castle or stargaze or read or work through insomnia in any number of innocent ways.

But with all the efforts they had all put in as of late to keep Keith in the safety of their sight, and considering the danger they had only recently pulled him from, the paranoia sprang instantly and ran rampant. Maybe he had fled from the castle and was on the verge of being scooped up by pirates at this very moment. Maybe someone had broken in and gotten hold of him. Maybe the distress from everything had gotten too much for him, and he had gone to the airlock and -

She swallowed down nausea and tried to tell herself that she was being irrational, that there was no sign of anything bad having happened to him, and for Shiro’s sake pushed the horrifying images racing through her head aside and kept her face stern and calm. “Find Coran and have him send out an overhead page telling Keith to come to the bridge, then you can search the hangars, see if any of the escape pods are missing. I’ll check the med bay and the rec areas. Take your comm pad, update me if you find anything.”

Shiro nodded and set out, and Allura, after throwing on her robe and snatching up her own tablet from her nightstand - sending Chulatt, who had been curled up asleep on top of it, flying onto the mattress with a startled squeak - dashed out of the room as well, making a beeline for the medbay.

The medbay was empty, and she hurried to the paladins’ lounge to find it empty too. She could feel her heartbeat becoming a pounding in her head as she ducked into doorways to the nearby library and game room, yielding the same results. Vaguely she her Coran’s voice overhead at one point, paging Keith to the bridge, but her tablet stayed dark and silent, no one letting her know that he had arrived, so either he had ignored the summons, or wasn’t around to hear it…

Her legs felt leaden beneath her as she darted down a stairwell and turned to the hallway where the airlock stood at the end, invitingly and predatory. It was an absurd notion surely, she reasoned to herself as her legs set off down the hall seemingly of their own accord, but if there was a chance that Keith had gone for it, had tried to make a break and was possibly out there suffocated and frozen in space -

Just as she shoved the mental images out of her head, she paused, a sound catching her ears. The clanging of metal.

She turned and found herself face-to-face with the doors of the training deck, and through the windows, back to her, was Keith, locked in combat with a gladiator.

Of course. Of _course_ that’s where he was. How the quiznak could they be so stupid?

Allura let out a laugh, an exhausted, hysterical sound from the depths of her throat, before pulling her tablet up and typing to Shiro: _Found him. He’s on the training deck._

It was so obvious, really. How many nights had Keith spent on the training deck, either staying up so much later than he should in order to get extra rounds in with a sword, or waking up long before his teammates to warm up on his own, or simply popping into the deck in the middle of a restless night to tire himself out so he get back to sleep? It was such a very typical thing for him to do, so very _Keith_ …

Maybe that was why they had overlooked it, she realized. In the past couple of movements, Keith hadn’t exactly been himself. Hadn’t seemed like Keith.

Then, with a frown, another realization: what in the heavens was Keith doing on the training deck when he was still recovering from injuries?

She marched toward the training deck and shoved the door aside, and Keith didn’t seem to notice, as he just kept on fighting the bot. Now that she was closer, she could see dark spots on Keith’s already dark tee shirt, and her frown deepened.

“Keith!” she shouted, and she could let her exasperation give way for guilt for a moment when Keith jumped at the sound, whipping fearfully around with his practice sword at the ready to face the intruder. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m - I’m just - ” Keith stammered, and he let out a yelp as the training bot took advantage of his distraction to strike him in the shoulder.

“ _End training exercise!_ ” Allura said. “Now!”

The bot dissipated, and Keith, panting laboriously, let his sword fall to his side. Allura marched up to him, resisting the urge to bodily turn him around and simply walking behind him instead. She narrowed her eyes at the stains on his shirt. “You pulled your stitches!” she said. “What were you thinking?!”

Keith scowled over his shoulder. “I was _thinking_ that they were nearly healed up already, according to Coran. I’m fine.”

“ _Nearly_ healed up,” said Allura. “They’re not going to finish healing if you throw yourself around the training deck like this! Look, the wounds have opened back up - you do realize you’ve set the healing back at least a movement, don’t you?”

Keith scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to open them,” he muttered.

“How did you not realize you were risking that by battling the bot? You know better than that, Keith!”

Keith shrugged, then winced at the movement caused to the wounds on his torso. Allura sighed. “Did you not even notice that the stitches had been pulled?” she asked.

“Adrenaline, I guess,” Keith said. “It doesn’t matter, we can fix them up later.”

“Fix them up later?”

“Yeah, once I’m done with fighting the - ”

“Excuse me, you’ve got open wounds on you and you’re telling me that you are going to _continue_ training?!” Allura shook her head. “We need to go to the med bay. Coran can fix your stitches, redo them if he has to.”

“Later,” said Keith. “Look, I just need to - ”

“Keith, if you keep this up there won’t _be_ a later! You’ll have dropped from blood loss, if not exhaustion.”

“Well, that’s my own problem to worry about, not yours,” Keith said. He stepped away from her and turned to the center of the deck. “Resume training program!”

Allura set her jaw, trying not to let frustration get the better of her. Keith’s stubbornness could be aggravating at the best of times, but when it was keeping her from being able to help him, it was even more so. “End training program!” she shouted just as the bot reappeared, and it vanished again.

“Allura!” Keith snapped. “Knock it off! Resume - ”

“Administrator lock - all training programs locked,” Allura said to the room before rounding on Keith. “Keith, this is absurd. You should not be training right now, you should be getting your wounds fixed and then going straight to bed.”

“But - ”

“Keith, _stop it_ ,” Allura said. She held out her hand and shoved it toward him. “Give me the sword, _now_.”

Keith froze, staring at her face, and immediately the blood in her veins felt icy. She hadn’t meant to give an order, hadn’t meant to scare him. She had only been trying to get him to see sense, to not wind up hurting himself. “Keith?” she said as Keith shakily held the sword out to her. “I - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean - ”

“I know,” Keith sighed. “Just - fine, just take it.” Hesitantly Allura took the practice sword from his hand, and Keith held himself uncertainly once he’d handed it over, as if he didn’t know what to do with his arms now that they were empty.

“Are, er… are you all right?” Allura asked softly.

“… I dunno.” Keith paused another moment, then, slowly, he lowered himself to the ground to sit, bringing his knees up toward himself and wrapping his arms over them.

Allura, after another moment’s hesitation, joined him, sitting down cross-legged ahead of him. “I really am sorry,” she said. “I only - I just needed to get through to right then, and you were so dead-set on…” She cleared her throat. “Keith?”

“Mm.”

“If I may ask… what were you doing here in the first place? Why were you fighting the bot?”

Keith was quiet for a long moment, long enough that Allura was starting to think he was giving her the silent treatment, before he softly said, “Shiro knows, doesn’t he.”

Allura blinked at him. “Pardon?”

“He knows about… about what they did, right?”

“… Yes, he does.” There was no point in lying to him. Even if there was, she wouldn’t have. The last thing Keith needed right now was a reason to distrust a teammate.

“Did you tell him?”

“I confirmed it when he asked, but no, I didn’t tell him. He figured it out on his own. And, well, I - I couldn’t very well deny it.”

Keith nodded slowly. “Guess that’s fair.”

“How could you tell that he knew?”

Keith sighed and rested his chin on his knees. “The way he kept looking at me at dinner tonight,” he answered. “He looked the same way you look at me.”

“The same - er, how… how do I look?”

“…Pity,” Keith answered slowly. “Like I’ve been broken, and I’m gonna break again at any moment?”

“Keith,” Allura said. “That’s not - that’s not how we see you.”

“Why not?” Keith asked, lifting his eyes to her. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“It’s not - ”

“I keep seeing them, you know,” Keith continued as if Allura hadn’t tried to interrupt. “I keep seeing… every night, I keep dreaming about everything that happened, and then during the day - it’s like a part of me’s still back there. Like I’m just waiting for the next punishment, or the next - the next buyer coming for a sample - and - and the longer it doesn’t come, the closer it gets. I’ll look at someone here in the castle and for a split second, just a moment, they look wrong, they look like someone who - who - ” He sniffed. “I keep having to remind myself where I am, and who’s here. Over and over. Because if I don’t, I’ll forget. Even for just a fraction of a second. And when I forget… it’s terrifying.”

Allura moved her gaze over to the middle of the training deck. “Is that what you were doing here?” she asked. “Is that what you’re trying to fight?”

“I guess,” Keith said. “It felt… better. Like I was in control. It’s - it’s been a while, since I felt like that. Since I didn’t feel weak…”

Allura edged closer to him. “Keith, tell me - is that part of why you don’t want the others to know about what happened? Because you think it makes you weak?”

“No,” Keith said. “Because I _know_ it does.”

“Oh, Keith - ”

“I couldn’t fight it, Allura,” Keith said, and finally the tears started in his eyes at the same time she could feel them start stinging at her own. “I tried, for as long as I could. I tried to escape, I tried to hold them off. But they kept pushing, and it kept hurting, and it just got worse and worse until I - I stopped. I stopped fighting back because it hurt less. I… gave up. I was weak and I gave up, and I - I - ”

As he broke into sobs, Allura operated on instinct, sliding even closer and wrapping an arm delicately across Keith’s shoulders. He stiffened, but thankfully he didn’t fight her off. Maybe because she had already seen him at his most vulnerable before. Maybe because her being so close while he thought himself so weak wasn’t as shameful to him as it was for Shiro to be, that pillar of strength that Keith had long aspired to be. Whatever the reason, she was grateful.

“Keith,” she said once she found her voice. “You are not weak.”

“Allura…” Keith mumbled before losing his own voices to breathy sobs again.

“Listen to me.” Allura moved to sit in front of Keith, staring him dead in the face until he finally met her gaze. “You. Are. Not. Weak. Don’t you dare think even for a moment that any of this has anything to do with you being weak, because you’re not. You went through something awful. You were put through the wringer through no fault of your own, and you fought as long and as hard as anyone could hope. And you came through it. That’s not weak.

“Shiro does not pity you, Keith. I don’t pity you. We sympathize with you - that fact that you are hurting makes us hurt as well. And we’re scared for you, and we’re furious at the people who did what they did to you. But Keith, _no one_ thinks that you’re weak.”

“But I - ”

“Tell me, Keith. Do you think that Shiro is weaker than he used to be because of what happened to him in the arena? Because of what Haggar and Zarkon did to him?”

“Wha - no, of course I don’t!”

“No, you know that he’s stronger because of it. And it’s no different for you. We all know that you’re strong, that you _had_ to be strong to get through what happened to you. And what happened was shameful, yes, but it’s not you who should have anything to be ashamed of. It’s the ones who did it who should be ashamed. Not you. And I promise you, Keith - no one here thinks you’re weak. No one thinks any less of you due to what happened. I swear it.”

Keith gulped. “But then why was Shiro looking so - ?”

“Because he thinks _he’s_ the one who’s not strong enough. He thinks he’s the one who’s failing you, that he couldn’t save you, that he - that he can’t help you now.” Allura sighed and hugged her robe tighter around herself. “I think… I think we’re all worried about that, Keith. That we won’t be able to help. That’s what we want to do for you, Keith. Not pity you. Not shame you. Just… help you.”

“… I’m sorry,” Keith said. “I didn’t - didn’t mean for you to - ”

Allura shushed him gently. “I know you didn’t,” she said. “I don’t blame you. I just need you to know. We’re all here for you, we all think the world of you, and we all want to help you. Is that… something you think you can let us do?”

Keith sniffed once more and wiped his hand across his nose before shakily replying, “I can try.”

“Good.” Allura got to her feet. “And you can start by letting me help you up, yes?”

She held out her hand to Keith, and, to her immense relief, he took it.


	6. Chapter 6

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Keith looked up at Allura from where he was seated at the other end of the couch, huddled into the corner with his legs drawn up beside him on the cushion. His face was still drawn and pale, the way it had been since they’d recovered him, bags and shadows prominent beneath his eyes. But those same tired eyes were stony and certain when he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m sure. It’ll be… good… to get it over with. And - and everyone knowing will help, right?”

Allura nodded back, offering him an encouraging smile, but she couldn’t maintain it as she turned to her tablet to send the notification out to summon the other paladins into the lounge for a ‘team meeting’.

Despite Keith’s ostensible confidence, she was nervous. Sure, she had been the one to broach the subject yesterday after the incident on the training deck, to mention to him how much the team needed him to open up to them, how he had no need to be keeping secrets from the other paladins.

“We all want to be there for you,” she had told him as they sat in the med bay, Coran having already left to wash up after fixing Keith’s torn stitches. “But I fear we don’t really know how. It’s a difficult line, between your privacy and our… needing to know. What you went through, what we can do to help you move past it. What we should and shouldn’t do, what sort of memories and feelings you’re dealing with. I know it’s difficult, I understand that it’s unpleasant. You don’t need to rush yourself or go farther than you feel safe doing. But once you are ready, once you feel you can open up to us, well, we’ll be ready for you.”

Keith had nodded and mumbled his thanks, and he must have been mulling over her words since then, because mere dobashes ago he had approached her with that determination on his face and asked her to call the team together. Said he wanted to get it over with, that he didn’t think he’d ever truly be ready, so why not do it now.

Why not tell the others what had happened.

Allura shut off her tablet and settled back into her couch cushion, eyes darting nervously toward Keith. Her stomach was in knots, and she was feeling jittery; she had to resist the urge to start bouncing her leg up and down the way Lance often did when he was feeling restless. Keith had said he was ready to tell them, yes, but he had always been one to downplay his own nerves and hurts and feelings. Just yesterday, after all, he had called himself ‘fine’ while wounds were openly bleeding across his back. Was he really ready to let the floodgates open and lay out what had happened to him?

And on that note, was the team ready to hear it? Was she?

It was too late to reconsider now, she realized with a sigh as the others started entering the lounge and filling the remaining couches and ottomans, muttering greetings and shooting Allura and Keith curious glances.

Once the last of the paladins had arrived - Lance, hair damp and grumbling about his shower being interrupted for anything short of a direct attack on the castle by an entire fleet of Galra - Allura cleared her throat to call everyone to attention.

“Right, er, thank you all for coming so promptly,” she tentatively began. She certainly wasn’t the type to get flustered opening a meeting, but none of her diplomatic training covered had to handle one on a topic like this. “I know we were supposed to have a free afternoon, but this is a matter of some importance. You see, er, Keith - Keith has something that he would like to - to discuss. As a team.”

“What is it, Keith?” Shiro asked without hesitation. He was perched in an armchair adjacent the couch, sitting forward and focused intently on Keith.

Keith took a deep breath, glanced once more toward Allura as if for assurance, and said, “I want to tell you all what happened to me while I was gone.”

The silence that met the declaration was deafening. Any ease that had been in the paladins’ postures and expressions vanished in an instant, replaced by a grim earnestness. A knowledge that they were about to get their curiosity sated after so long, and they were probably going to dislike the answers.

They weren’t ready, Allura knew. But they probably never would be. So it would be pointless to wait.

“A few phoebs ago, I was sent out by Kolivan on a supplies interception mission from the Marmora base in the Kibrov galaxy,” he started without further preamble. “We had gotten intel on a freight line that was going to be delivering weapons and ammunition to a Galra outpost on Zeanope. I went in with three other Blade operatives. We were supposed to incapacitate the crew and commandeer the vehicle to Ounrorth, one of the planets in the same quadrant that had been trying to mount a resistance against Empire occupation in the surrounding solar system, and bring any information we could find regarding the trade route. The whole mission was expected to take three quintants at the most.”

He had laid this all out methodically, almost robotically, like he was citing a mission briefing. Everything routine, impersonal. Now, though, a frown started tugging at his mouth and wrinkling his brow, and he slowed as he continued. “Our intel was right about the weapons and ammo, but we - we hadn’t expected the delivery line to be carrying any other sort of cargo besides that. We didn’t know that they had - that there were - ” He swallowed. “Apparently Zeanope was knee-deep in the slave trade…”

None of the paladins made a sound as he paused to collect himself, closing his eyes and taking calming breaths through his nose. “I was the one who came across them in the cargo hold. About twenty in all, all in cages. Like animals. I couldn’t tell you the species - don’t think any of them were from any of the planets we’ve been to yet - but they were definitely sapient. And scared.

“I wasn’t supposed to be down in the cargo hold long; I was only supposed to get rid of any Galra crew who were down there and then get up to the cockpit to reroute the ship, so I - I - I figured, we could let them out once we got control of the ship, bring them back to the Blade base with us so the Coalition could help them get back home. So I let the other Blades know the situation on the comms, then I tried to focus on just taking down the crew for the time being, but, well, I went in there being okay with some inventory being damaged, but it’s a different ball game when some of that inventory is… alive.

“And one of the guards knew that. I chased him down and he led me back over toward those cages and - and he pulled a blaster. Normally not a problem for me when I’ve got the Blade armor, that thing’s durable as hell, but he didn’t - he didn’t point it at me. He pointed it into one of the cages. Told me to drop my knife, come forward with my hands behind my head, or he’ll shoot.”

He took a deep, shaking breath. “The, uh, the Blade… they’ve got a policy, about hostages. No hostage negotiations, no exceptions. So I - I followed protocol. I didn’t attack.

“He wasn’t bluffing, turns out. He took the shot. Right in that slave’s head, like it was nothing.”

Another pause, and this time it was to scrub at his eyes. “He - he moved down to the next cage, aimed the gun again. Told me that with the deal he’d arranged with the buyer they were delivering to, he could stand to lose half of them and still turn a profit, so, no skin off his nose if I wanted him to keep killing them off instead of surrendering.” On his lap his hands twitched, fingers curling shakily into fists. “And I know - I know it’s against Blade policy, but I - I couldn’t - I couldn’t just let him - ”

His voice cracked, his words faltering. Allura took the risk of edging closer to him on the couch and setting a hand gently on his knee, and although his leg stiffened at the touch, Keith didn’t try to push it off or pull away. He just went back to closing his eyes and taking several more of those trembling breaths before continuing. “I gave in. Put down my weapon, walked out, hands behind my head. Wound up taken captive, of course. Saw that coming a mile away.

“He took me back up to the bridge, and - and apparently, the, uh, the rest of the Blades - they hadn’t been faring well either. Probably at least partly my fault, since I didn’t finish up in the cargo hold and come back up like I was supposed to. Tralus had been taken down in the cockpit; they brought him out to the bridge too. Utiek and Threl had managed to escape the ship, but apparently the crew had managed to shoot one of them before they could reach the Blade ship. The one who joined the rest on the bridge said one had gotten away, and she’d managed to shoot the other one down. Fatally. Suppose whichever one got away is the one who told Kolivan what had happened, right?”

Allura nodded. Kolivan had mentioned the name of the Blade operative who had brought the news of where Keith had gotten taken down and what was on the ship, she was pretty sure, but she couldn’t remember what it was. That wasn’t exactly the part she had been focused on.

“Anyway,” Keith continued. “Just me and Tralus left at that point. They handcuffed us and roughed us up a bit, asked some questions - the usual, like, what were we trying to do, who we’re working with. We didn’t say anything and - and up until that point it wasn’t - it wasn’t too bad. But, um, once they decided we didn’t have anything to say that was worth their time, one of them - one of them asked what they should do with us now.

“Apparently taking prisoners wasn’t really their thing, so they’re planning to just kill us, but the one who had brought me up said - he said that they were down one… slave. The word he used was ‘unit’, actually, but - but that’s what he meant. They were down one unit, and had a spare cage now, and this could be a way to replenish their stock.

“So one of them - the captain, I suppose - he goes up to Tralus and gets the Blade mask off of him and starts examining his face. Pulling at the skin, opening his mouth and looking at his teeth, poking back to check the gag reflex. Then he comes over and does the same to me. And once he’s done he just steps back and says - he says - ” Keith swallowed and dropped his eyes to his lap. “He said, ‘The small one’s prettier.’ And next thing I know, the guard that was holding Tralus slit his throat, and like four guards grabbed hold of me and dragged me off the bridge.

“I tried to fight them off, I did, but - but there were a lot more of them than me, and one of them got a good hit into my head at one point. Didn’t knock me out, but came pretty close, so I wasn’t - I wasn’t really in fighting shape. They, um, stripped off my armor, and - and then the undersuit, cuffed my hands and feet again, and brought me back down to the cargo hold and forced me into the cage. Same one that the slave that’d been killed earlier was in.” He let out a little choked sob that he turned into a weak cough. “They didn’t bother cleaning out the cage, or even removing the corpse. I was just… stuck with it.”

Allura finally tore her eyes away from Keith at this point long enough to drift her gaze over the other paladins, to see how they were taking it so far. Everyone was wide-eyed, fixated completely on Keith. Shiro was shaking slightly - the way his hands had formed tight fists at his sides suggested it was out of rage - and Hunk had his hands over his mouth, like he was trying to keep from throwing up.

Part of her wanted to cut Keith off and tell him that was enough for now, so the rest of the team wouldn’t have to hear any more. Because she knew full well that the story was going to get worse.

“Not entirely sure how long I was in that cage,” Keith continued. “Long enough that I was thirsty as hell by the time it was finally unlocked - they hadn’t given us any water or food or anything the whole time, not until right there at the end, before they dragged us off the ship to transfer over to the ones who’d - who’d bought the slaves.

“Ended up being taken to a depot on Zeanope, not half a mile from the Galra outpost where they took the weapons, so, no wonder they were making two stops. The person the crew met with to make the trade was a dealer representing some tycoon from Badunusia. Far as I could gather, slave markets awfully huge there; people on the wealthiest end of things tend to own hundreds of them. Apparently most of the slaves on the same shipment I was in were brought in as labor for a mining operation he owned on Zeanope. Mining was his primary business.”

He gulped again and shifted in his seat, his right hand uncurling so he could tap his fingers nervously against his leg. “But he - he had a couple of side businesses as well. And the one I was taken to - it was - it’s - ” Instinctively Allura gave his knee a reassuring squeeze. “He owned this fleet of, um… they called them ‘pleasure barges’.”

A sharp intake of breath sounded from a nearby armchair, and Allura turned to see Coran stiffen in his chair, his face turned practically gray. She wondered briefly if he had ever encountered one of these barges in the past on his various adventures with her father, and thus knew how bad they were. The paladins didn’t react as strongly as him to the words, but still looked suitably sickened. Whether they knew exactly what went on in such ships or not, they all at least had enough sense to figure out that the ‘pleasure’ mentioned in their title was not at all pleasurable for Keith.

Keith shuddered briefly before continuing. “Apparently the point of these ships is that they have a - a bunch of, um, people - slaves - available to - to do whatever - to let the clients have - ”

“You don’t need to say it,” Shiro quietly spoke up. His voice was rough, gravelly. Right on the verge of breaking.

With a little grunt, Keith shook his head. “Might as well say it. People would pay to do as they pleased with the slaves there, and usually that meant… that meant… rape.” He pursed his lips, sniffed, let out a shuddering breath, sniffed again. “Sometimes it was other stuff, but usually… yeah. Although, I, um - I didn’t have to do as much as some of the others on the ship.

“See, the - the slaves on the - on the barge… they’re, uh, they’re sort of, uh, molded, I guess, for that type of, um… basically, they go for ones that are more, uh, docile. Better at taking orders. Apparently the slave who’d been killed in that cargo hold, the one I’d replaced, was more that type. But I wasn’t.” And for a second, a hint of his proud stubbornness, of his old defiance, gleamed in his eye. “I fought it, hard as I could. It didn’t, um… didn’t always work… if someone liked the, uh, ‘feistiness’ enough, and really wanted me, they had… restraints… and drugs… enough to hold me down long enough for the client to be - to be satisfied…”

He cleared his throat. “They still weren’t thrilled with me, though. So when this one Guluvian, Kadrek, offered to buy me off of them, they took the offer. And this guy… he - he was harsher about the - about how he’d - ” Allura could feel him shivering beneath her hand. “The barge didn’t have time to spare, just threw the slaves straight into what they needed them for. But Kadrek, he was more, uh, thorough. Insisted on making sure any that he had in stock were properly broken before putting them up for sale.

“And it was… it was bad. The barge had kinda limited themselves on punishments, because they - they needed to make sure I was still healthy enough to do my job and stayed, um, ‘aesthetically pleasing’, so they couldn’t mess me up too bad. Kadrek didn’t have any limits. You don’t do what he tells you to, he makes sure you hurt for it, and he keeps it up until he gets what wants out of you.

“And at first, I - I still tried. I tried to keep fighting back, but - but he didn’t - he wouldn’t - ” Another choked sob. “I couldn’t keep it up. Not when the only to be allowed to eat and sleep and to get the beatings and the whippings to _stop_ was to… was to give up. To let him win.”

Allura wasn’t sure when the tears had started flowing across Keith’s face. It could have been the whole time he was talking for all she knew. The only certainty was that now, they were flowing fast and hard, too strong for Keith to wipe away fully as he scrubbed at his face. “I hadn’t been able to escape or anything,” he said. “And I didn’t think - I didn’t think it was… worth it. To keep trying to fight it. To keep hurting. It was easier to just take it, do what he said until he’d leave me alone and then just - just not think. Just let it happen. I, uh, I guess he was right,” he added, his voice cracking at the last word. “About how he proved I wasn’t ‘untameable’. That he broke me. I had no idea you guys were looking for me, so, I mean, I didn’t know there was going to be a way out of all of it. If I had, I might’ve… I dunno, held out longer. Maybe. I, um, don’t know for sure. It was - it was a lot.

“So, um, there you go.” He cleared his throat again and straightened his posture, scrubbing his arm across his face one more time before concluding, “That’s where I was when Allura found me, and then, I’ve, um, been back here ever since. So - so that’s it. That’s what happened.”

Every face in the lounge was suitably horrified as he finished speaking, every eye suitably damp. Keith moved his gaze from face to face, looking uncertain, as if scared of their reaction.

Lance was the first to break the silence. “Holy fuck,” he whispered. His voice was rough too, as if he’d just swallowed sand. “Holy fuck. Holy _fucking shit_ , Keith.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Hunk murmured.

Keith shrank down into his spot on the couch. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I tried to - ”

“What the fuck do you mean _you’re_ sorry?!” Pidge demanded. She had removed her glasses at some point, no doubt so as to keep them dry, and they shook in her hand as she spoke. “ _They_ should be sorry, the ones who - shit, I’m going to kill them, I swear to fuck - ”

Lance continued his stream of expletives, switching to some language Allura didn’t recognize, but he quieted as Coran put a hand on his shoulder and turned to Keith. “Number four,” he said, seeming quite composed considering how deathly pale he had gone. “Thank you for telling us. For trusting us with everything. I, er… wish that we could make it so that it never happened at all, but, well - for now, we can only support you after the fact.”

“And we can do that!” Hunk insisted, his vigorous nodding sending tear droplets flying. “Anything you need to feel better, man! Hell, if you want us to make you a full feast and a spa day every day for the rest of your life or - or if you need to just talk all night - ”

“Or if you want us to track down everyone involved in this and break every goddamn bone in their bodies…” Pidge said, and by the look on her face there wasn’t a force powerful enough in the universe to stop her from doing just that if Keith gave her the go-ahead.

Keith, though, shook his head. “I don’t - I don’t need that. Not now. I just need - I - I, um…” He sniffed. “I… don’t know what it is that I need.”

Slowly, Shiro stood from his seat and approached Keith, the expression on his face foggy, unreadable. He cautiously lowered himself down in front of Keith, so they were eye to eye. “Keith?” he said softly. “It’s okay if you don’t know what you need from us right now. We don’t know either. We’ll try to help you figure it out, and if you do, you tell us, and we’ll give it to you. But for now… I think… I think I need this just as much as you…”

He leaned toward Keith his arms open. “If you want me to stop, I’ll stop,” he said. “I’ll understand. Just say the word…” He reached him, and his metallic arm gently wrapped around Keith’s back. At first Keith stiffened, but as Shiro’s human hand came up, carefully combing into the ends of Keith’s hair, he collapsed, sinking into it, letting his face drop onto his brother’s shoulder.

Allura sat uncertainly beside them, wondering whether she should move away, if she was intruding on a moment that was supposed to be just for them. A moment later, though, the decision was made for her, as Hunk suddenly appeared next to her on the couch, and she was being squished up against Keith as Hunk joined the hug.

Lance and Coran’s arms appeared next, wrapping around the group, and Pidge practically dove on top of the pile of them to squeeze into the hug. None of them said a word; the only sound was Keith’s dry sobs and Shiro’s gentle, mollifying shushes as he rubbed Keith’s back.

It didn’t solve anything. It didn’t undo any of what had happened, didn’t make anything that Keith had just told them any less awful, the inevitable road to recovery any smoother.

But Shiro was right. For just that moment, _this_ was what Keith needed.

What they _all_ needed.


	7. Chapter 7

Things did not automatically become better for Keith after he had laid out to his team the details of what had happened to him. Of course, no one had expected them to. A heartfelt talk and a group hug wouldn’t undo trauma, didn’t give him back what had been taken from him.

But he seemed to be more open to the idea that things _could_ get better, more responsive to what help his team could offer, and that was enough to relieve some of the tension that had been looming in the castle’s air since the day they had gotten that call from Kolivan.

The other paladins still kept some caution up, minding their words around him so nothing that wasn’t a demand would come out sounding like one. If one of them were going to touch him, to pat his back or squeeze his hand or nudge him with their elbow, they made sure to announce it was coming and give him the chance to refuse. Sometimes he did; sometimes he didn’t.

It seemed the rest of the team was picking up on the little signs of progress too, and it always improved their moods. Allura could see the relief in Hunk’s posture every time Keith finished full servings of whatever had been cooked for him (and Hunk seemed to be taking the job of cheering Keith up with food very seriously, as the crisp fried foods and tender meats that Keith preferred had started dominating his menus), and Lance had been unable to stop beaming with pride the day Keith snorted at one of his jokes, the closest thing to a laugh any of them had heard from him in so, so long.

Allura even came across Shiro tiptoeing out of Keith’s room one night, grinning from ear to ear and with dew in his eyes, and at Allura’s questioning look, he made a shushing gesture and whispered, “He fell asleep. Right on my shoulder.” And once Shiro had entered his own room and shut the door, Allura could even make out the sound of him whistling to himself.

Sure, Keith still wasn’t in perfect shape. He still was quiet and wary, the nightmares still came, he still got an anxious and faraway look in his eyes when he zoned out of conversations. But the paladins were opting to focus on the positives of late.

So the question that Keith broached at the table in the middle of dinner one evening was one that had been pushed far out of their minds:

“When am I going back to the Blade?”

He had addressed the question to Allura, but the rest of the table fell quiet too when he asked it. The eyes of her teammates were suddenly all drawn toward herself and Keith, and the latter either didn’t notice or chose not to acknowledge it. He just waited for an answer.

Allura shifted uncomfortably in her seat, pursing her lips. It was true that the very same question had crossed her mind since Keith’s return. As much as things had changed during Keith’s absence from the team and his time in captivity, some things were still the same. They still had their duties with Voltron, some of which had admittedly fallen by the wayside while they had been focused on rescuing Keith and then helping him afterward. They still had every pilot’s seat in Voltron occupied. The Blade of Marmora still had their own ongoing work and investigations, and Keith was still a member of their organization.

It was natural, then, to assume that things were soon to go back to the way they were before all of this mess.

But honestly? She didn’t _want_ things to go back to the way they were before. Before, there had been a gap in Team Voltron, a hole that they all refused to acknowledge because after all, wasn’t this sensible, wasn’t this the best option? Before, Keith had been off with the Blade, his interactions with the people who were supposed to be practically family to him limited to perfunctory greetings at Kolivan’s side before talking coalition business. Before, he had been essentially alone, had been out on missions that were ‘more important than the individual’ and couldn’t count on anyone to save him if he needed it, and holy quiznak did he end up needing it.

Before, they had failed him as teammates. And if Keith went back to the Blade, if they sent him away again after they had fought so hard to get him back, they will have failed him again.

Shiro was the one who answered him, after clearing his throat and glancing toward Allura, the uncertainty clear in his eyes. “Well, um,” he said. “I suppose that’s your own decision to make, Keith. Do you - is that what you want? To go back to the Blade?”

Keith shrugged, dropping his gaze down to the food on his fork. “I dunno,” he said. “I guess.”

“Wait, _what?!_ ” With a clatter Pidge threw her cutlery down onto the table and rose from her seat, leaning toward Keith, brows shooting up practically toward her hairline. “Are you serious?! You want to leave?!”

“Um,” Keith said. “I mean, my injuries have finished healing up, and I’ve been taken a long enough break from my Blade duties as it is…”

“A break?” Lance echoed. “Dude, you weren’t on a fucking _break_ , you were basically being tortured and then convalescing.”

“Yeah, well.” He shrugged again. “Doesn’t matter. I’m back on my feet now, so I should be getting back to missions and stuff, right?”

“Perhaps,” Allura said slowly. “Although, are you sure you should be getting back to Blade missions, specifically? You don’t want to overexert yourself so soon, do you?” Not that Voltron missions were particularly relaxing, but after all, Keith had been on a Blade mission, in a Blade uniform and with Blade operatives, when he’d been captured and everything had gone downhill for him. She was no expert on trauma, but from what she’d seen with Shiro, putting oneself back into such similar circumstances as when one had been hurt before, especially so soon after the fact, probably couldn’t end well. It was because she was no expert, though, that she didn’t voice that last thought.

Keith let out a little sigh. “I just think I should get back to where I’m needed, you know? Kolivan would want - ”

“Oh, fuck Kolivan!” Pidge snapped.

Keith turned to her, surprised. “Pidge?”

“Now, now, Pidge,” Coran spoke up. “Kolivan and the Blade are our allies, you must be respectful to - ”

“No, you know what? Fuck ‘em,” Pidge said. “Fuck Kolivan and fuck the Blade of Marmora. Yeah, they’re our allies and whatever, but that doesn’t mean I gotta be happy with them. Keith was there helping the Blade when they needed it, but where the hell were they when Keith got taken down on a mission _they_ sent him on, and which went south because _they_ had insufficient intel? I notice that the Blade didn’t make any effort to rescue him! Kolivan basically wrote him off for dead while _we_ were the ones who were scouting out slave traders in every known galaxy to try and find him! Because that’s what a _team_ is supposed to do!

“And so what happens next time something goes wrong, huh?! Are we seriously going to trust the fucking Blade to do what’s best for Keith? They’d just let him rot, consider him an acceptable loss, and - and you’re _not_ an acceptable loss, Keith! You’re - you’re family. We’re a team, and I - ” Her voice crackled and she sniffed before finishing. “I don’t wanna lose you again.”

“Me neither, man,” Hunk piped up, and naturally his eyes were watery too. “How are we supposed to keep you safe if you go away again?”

Keith fidgeted on his seat. “It’s - it’s not your job to keep me safe…”

“Like hell it ain’t,” Lance said. “That’s what families are supposed to do: all walk through hell together so we can be sure we all make it to the other side.”

“But the Lions,” Keith said. “You have five paladins now. Five paladins, five lions.”

“Two of which you have successfully piloted before,” Allura pointed out. “As well as one more with whom you’ve established a communication link. If any pilot could be relied on to step in in case of someone being incapacitated, it’s you.”

“And even if not, that’s not stopping you from fighting,” Pidge added. “You were plenty useful to the Blade without a Lion; why wouldn’t the same apply here?”

“Most importantly, Keith,” said Shiro. “You still haven’t answered my first question.”

Keith frowned. “Um… what was that again?”

Shiro leaned toward him. “Keith, do you _want_ to go back to the Blade? Because that’s what’s most important here. Not where you think you’ll be most useful, not what Kolivan or anyone else wants you to do. I trust you to know what’s best for yourself right now, okay? You get to be the one to choose: do you want to go back to the Blade?”

Keith swallowed and looked around at the assembled team, at Shiro’s sincere and solemn face, at Pidge’s fiery gaze, at Hunk who was looking like he would just dissolve completely into a waterfall of tears at any moment.

Allura tried to keep her own face neutral, not to push him toward anything he didn’t want, but it was likely some of her own imploring thoughts made themselves known. Stay, she pled silently. Stay with us. Let us keep you safe. Let us be the ones to make sure you’re never hurt again.

And ever so slowly, Keith shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “I don’t want to go back. I want to stay.”

Relieved sighs sounded all around the table, and not a fraction of a tick later Hunk was already wrapping Keith in a tearful bear hug.

After a few exclamations of cheer at Keith’s decision to stay, Allura finally tapped Hunk on the back. “All right, Hunk. Let him breathe.”

Hunk reluctantly released Keith and returned to his own seat. Keith, with a nod to the others, took up his spork again and returned to his meal, which the others had all but forgotten amidst their discussion. Within moments, the others resumed their own food, and soon the team’s usual cheerful mealtime chatter had filled the silence again.

“Keith?” Allura said to him once the others’ attention was on each other instead of him. “I assure you I would have supported you with whatever choice you made, but… I’m glad you made this one.”

Keith cast her a ghost of a smile. “Thanks, Allura.”

She hesitated a moment, then reached out to take Keith’s hand, pausing to give him a chance to pull away if he wanted. When he didn’t, she gave it a squeeze. “It’s good to have you home, Keith.”

“It’s good to be home.” He squeezed back.

**Author's Note:**

> Want a mini fic from me to you? I'm writing one-shots for anyone who writes a fic or makes art that features aro/ace Keith, and tags me in it @justheretobreakthings on tumblr!


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